Meg 2: The Trench

I'm currently listening to Ontological Mysterium, the new album by progressive death metallers Horrendous.  That has jack-all to do with Meg 2: The Trench, but I'm trying to psych myself into writing this review.  I'm not really feelin' it.  We'll just ease our way into things.  How does that sound?  I thought I had reviewed the first Meg, but maybe I was thinking about the book.  I did see the original.  In my eyes, Megnado was a top-flight creature feature with broadloom special effects that convinced me I was looking at actual prehistoric beasties tear coastlines asunder.  Jason Statham is the right action hero for these flicks.  Apparently, he did most of his own stunts on the sequel, including fathering a small Asian girl.

Plot?  I don't know why you care, but The Trench picks up with random espionage nonsense.  Jason...er, Jonas is the world's only spy-slash-marine biologist.  I'm not sure how those two worlds collided, but for what it's worth, he's the James Bond of oceanography.  In case you were wondering if this was a Hollywood construct, there is an opposing sect of marine biologists.  Yes, evil marine biologists.  I was reminded of Twister, a film that wants us to believe there are good and bad storm chasers.  Anyway, our protagonists are in a deep-sea submersible when the true villains turn heel and...vie for control of sharks?  I'm a bit slow, but I didn't quite understand the plan here.  They want to use ocean exploration for nefarious purposes?  Okey-dokey.

If there is one fissure in Meg 2's masthead, it's the flabby midsection that focuses too much on human drama.  There were several points where the script seemed to forget about the behemoth in the title.  If you buy a ticket to watch this motion picture on the big screen (Dolby, baby!), you are there for carnage.  You don't particularly care why Solemn Blonde and her boyfriend aim to greedily subvert a research dive, or at least I didn't.  But that's enough bellyaching.  The Trench earns its 3.5-Z'Dar rating with rowdy action sequences, immaculate CGI, and just enough character sweetening to raise the stakes.  In other words, you want James Bond to win.

Come to think of it, I don't have anything else to say.  It's pretty simple.  Meg 2: The Trench delivers upscale schlock in spades.  And don't worry; the doggy survives.