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STAR CRYSTAL (1986)
I make it a point to avoid spoilers. But sometimes, my hand is forced. I simply must tell you what happens in Star Crystal, a misguided Alien riff that seems mundane on the surface. The first hour colors inside the lines. Astronauts turn up dead after a manned mission to Mars. A team of whatevers is sent to find out what happened, but of course, they are inadvertently trapped aboard the spaceship with a goopy, ill-natured monster. Like I said, it's banal stuff...until you get to the third act. Bear in mind, this is not a comedy. And I promise that I'm not BS-ing my way through this review, even if I'm not above suspicion. To use wrestling parlance, the alien turns babyface. He/she apologizes for killing the side characters in grisly fashion. Swear to God!
We then see a feelgood montage wherein the still-goopy, formerly ill-natured monster helps repair the ship and plays a board game with the surviving crew members. I had to laugh in disbelief. Was this the same creature that latched onto a fresh-faced gal at the 45-minute mark, only to drain her of bodily fluids? Yep. Sure was. For that reason and that reason alone, I have to give Star Crystal a hearty recommendation. Elsewise (that can't be a word), it's fairly tame. The acting ranges from stilted to vacant, the camera movements range from static to listless, and my eyelids range from shut to very nearly shut. FACTOID: There is a theme song (!) that plays over the ending credits. The vocals are attributed to Stefanianna Christopherson, the voice of Daphne on the original Scooby-Doo cartoon. Zoinks!
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