BLOOD DOLLS (1999)
I probably shouldn't have attempted to watch Blood Dolls last night. For one thing, it's Blood Dolls (more on that later). Secondly, my brain was in the process of shutting down during the opening credits. I was just way too sleepy. For whatever ungodly reason, I soldiered on, so I'm not 100% sure that I didn't dream this movie. Not only was I staving off intermittent bouts of encephalitis lethargica, but this flick is also seriously loopy. Being a Full Moon artifact, it was written and directed by Charles Band. You'd think that I would be impervious to his brand of singular quirk by now. But no, I'm struggling to describe this...what is this anyway? Was it necessary for Band to take another pass at the much-lampooned "killer doll" subgenre? I suppose I should be thankful that I never have to sit through Retro Blood Dolls or Dollman vs. Blood Dolls. As if!
Okay, the plot. Hold onto something. An eccentric billionaire has found a way - through what kind of gnarled alchemy, I couldn't even begin to guess - to kidnap his enemies and transform them into literal dolls. There is something about an antitrust lawsuit, but the particulars are neither germane nor do I care to remember them. So this billionaire. He wears a comically large Halloween mask, he domineers over two servants (one dwarf, one clown), and he has his own house band. By the way, it's an all-girl group that he keeps in a cage. Y'know, the more I write about Blood Dolls, the more credence I give to the theory that I simply dreamed it up. To add insult to injury, it's not explicitly entertaining. We do get some mild gore. Meh. Like I said, it's Blood Dolls. I need to take a nap.
No comments:
Post a Comment