Blood Capsule #341 (Special Edition)

What's a Special Edition?  It's a series where I review one of my favorites.  These are films that would appear in my Top 50 or so (if I endeavored to compile such a list).

ANACONDA (1997)

My timing is impeccable.  Just a few days ago, the trailer for the Anaconda reboot dropped (I'm writing this in September).  My only question is, why?  Why is it a comedy starring Jack Black?  Whose idea was this?  My head is swimming with questions.  Now, will I see the new Anaconda?  Um, that's none of your business.  I can say that the original holds up seventy-three years later.  Of course, I rented it when it hit home video, and for some reason, we watched it in high school.  I mean, we watched it in class.  It must have been a slow day.  Anyway, I'm not going to tell you anything that you don't already know.  This movie rules.  Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube are hellbent on shooting a documentary on lost tribes of the Amazon.  Instead, they wind up shooting a "found footage" slasher where Jon Voight - playing himself - stalks and murders a family of green anacondas.  It's horrifying.  Sorry, that's the only synopsis you're getting out of me.

Catching Anaconda in 2025, I was struck by the plurality of animatronic effects.  Yes, the CGI is there (and despite being in its infancy, it's far better than expected), but the actors are working with convincing models of varying sizes.  I've always had trouble convincing models of varying sizes...I shouldn't finish that sentence.  All of the violence is stomach-churning, a PG-13 rating be damned.  Personally, I was bothered more by the makeshift tracheotomy on Eric Stoltz than I was any of the snake deaths.  Eric Stoltz on his own is enough to send me scurrying to the bathroom.  Pacing-wise, this flick is fleet-footed.  I don't really know how it spawned sequels (or a reboot, for that matter), but it's pretty much perfect as a cheese-flavored popcorn ball.  Okay, I do know how it spawned sequels.  I forgot that it fared well at the box office.  Even if you don't consider yourself to be a fan, you have to concede that Anaconda is superior to Boa, Python, and Boa vs. Python.

What's that?  A second Random Reptile Month on the horizon?  Not.  A.  Chance.  I'm more likely to dive into Random Jon Voight Month.  Actually, I'm more likely to dive into Jon Voight.