Something occurred to me last night while I was watching the remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Well, two things occurred to me. 1) Guy Pearce is bland. He is a functional actor, but aside from his engaging performance in Memento, he has never struck me as remotely indelible. 2) I no longer possess the strength to be a buoyant proponent of remakes. Now, I've always discouraged the idea of regurgitating past successes. I prefer original content, but I could usually be swayed to give a remake the benefit of the doubt. "Hey, we haven't seen it yet. Maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised." Fuck that. I'm done.

2010's Don't Be Afraid of the Dark wasn't too shabby. In fact, it was outright decent. I'm just fucking sick of seeing every horror title under the sun go through The Dumb Down Machine. This sentiment is nothing new. Die-hards have been fed up with this shit for years, but I try to maintain a high threshold for repugnance. I...I can't do it anymore. If it exists, it simply must be diluted and modernized for the lowest common denominator. I mean, Maniac Cop? Give me one goddamn reason why Maniac Cop should be remade. Before you avow your deference to John Carpenter's The Thing and David Cronenberg's The Fly, let me remind you that the 80's cannot be compared to any other decade.

The ratio of remakes to fresh, innovative films was lopsided in favor of the latter category. A remake here and there is no big deal, especially if it's helmed by a true maverick. Murgatroyd mackerel, did this rant have a point? Fuck if I know. This was meant as a mere cry of dismay. I'm not suggesting that we blackball all remakes. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Can't we at least entertain the thought of imposing a moratorium on this daft balderdash? Balderdash is a kickass board game.

1 comment:

  1. You can only hold in that repressed remake rage for so long. I try as best I can but sometimes it's just too much. Do they even make any money? Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't the remakes of Elm Street, Friday the 13th and The Fog totally tank at the box office? I really feel bad for the younger horror fans that this garbage is marketed too. I'm going to stop now because this is already becomming way longer than I intened it to be and if I go any further chances are I'll work myself into an aneurysm.