THE VINEYARD (1989)
James Hong might be God. He's everywhere. Don't believe me? The man has amassed close to 400 acting credits, and he has directed a couple of chintzy cult favorites. He wrote and directed The Vineyard, an ostentatious b-bauble about a winegrower who has found the secret of eternal youth (and it's goddamn electric). For those playing at home, said secret involves off-color libations and ritualistic bimbo butchery. I had a field day with this flick. Any schlock maven would. We get random zombie outbreaks, a gnarled witch insulated in an attic and James Hong being a fucking pimp.
Drawbacks? The villain is so cool ("Kill the eunuch!"), that the protagonists become racking nuisances. I wanted all of the characters to meet their respective makers, but sadly, there are quite a few dullards left standing. That doesn't change the fact that you need to see The Vineyard. Where else will you find kung fu, inverted acupuncture and a scene where a girl pukes spiders while brushing her teeth? I hope that's a rhetorical question.
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