Blood Capsule #19


James Hong might be God.  He's everywhere.  Don't believe me?  The man has amassed close to 400 acting credits, and he has directed a couple of chintzy cult favorites.  He wrote and directed The Vineyard, an ostentatious b-bauble about a winegrower who has found the secret of eternal youth (and it's goddamn electric).  For those playing at home, said secret involves off-color libations and ritualistic bimbo butchery.  I had a field day with this flick.  Any schlock maven would.  We get random zombie outbreaks, a gnarled witch insulated in an attic and James Hong being a fucking pimp.

Drawbacks?  The villain is so cool ("Kill the eunuch!"), that the protagonists become racking nuisances.  I wanted all of the characters to meet their respective makers, but sadly, there are quite a few dullards left standing.  That doesn't change the fact that you need to see The Vineyard.  Where else will you find kung fu, inverted acupuncture and a scene where a girl pukes spiders while brushing her teeth?  I hope that's a rhetorical question.

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