FLYING CAULDRON BUTTERSCOTCH BEER
I did it! I found one that I like! Of course, I was going to grab a beaker of this bubbly based on the name alone. The actual flavor was of very little consequence, but I'm cronies with butterscotch. Back to the gimmick. The label features a witch's cauldron riding a broomstick. Did I even have a choice? The gold and purple coloration gives the flagon (or ewer, if you prefer, and I guarantee that you don't) the luxurious affectation of a bottle of champagne. Conversely, the poppity-pop itself is bronze. Y'know, like beer. Fair enough; brews and butterscotch are both sepia-toned, but it's a tad misleading. Flying Cauldron's taste doesn't fall anywhere near root beer. And I can't imagine someone seeing this in a store and expecting honest-to-Lucifer beer.
Mom took this photo. The drink isn't trash, but this image sums up the site, no?
Obviously, I did my research on the review subject, as I do with all review subjects. I found a disturbing bagatelle of information. It seems that the motif of our non-alcoholic firewater was inspired by Harry Potter. Look, I understand that the series has its zealots, so I won't incriminate it. Buuuuut that's way less badass than plain-dealing occult soda. I want to be able to summon demons with my sweet, refreshing beverage! Phooey. Let's talk about the wallop and viscosity of Flying Cauldron. Or the general drippings. Either/or. First up, the smell test. Goddamn it, I'm going to start skipping this part because it simply smells...butterscotch-y. Besides, I'm no good at describing fragrances. This isn't going to make or break your purchasing decision, Keyshawn.
The elixir rates highly on the smoothness scale. There is just enough carbonation to let you know that you are not drinking melted ice cream. And therein lies the big revelation. Flying Cauldron does smack of butterscotch, but in my tongue's opinion, it has more in common with butter pecan ecstasy. You heard it here...er, unless you heard it somewhere else. This shit tastes exactly like butter pecan ice cream, and it's amazing. That's not even my favorite ice cream flavor (Neapolitan, baby), but it's fucking righteous in soda form. You don't care for butter pecan? Fine, it tastes like butterscotch. If you're still not on board, there is nothing I can do for you.