ZARKORR! THE INVADER (1996)
There is a making-of clip that plays after the feature presentation on my VHS copy of Zarkorr! The Invader (you can check, but I'm sure it's on your copy as well). The creative team behind this underachiever seems to be under the impression that their star monster will be a hit with fans. They even went to the trouble of drumming up a theme song, which I admit, is a catchy little number. Obviously, Zarkorr is a love letter to kaiju clashes from the 60's and 70's. What shouldn't be obvious is the fact that the requisite scenes of creature suit carnage were shot before writer Neal Marshall Stevens had a chance to write the script. Well, guess what? It's pretty obvious. The stale "exposition" is intercut - almost indiscriminately - with glamor shots of Zarkorr (I'm omitting the exclamation point in a vain bid to preserve my dignity) erupting from a pink precipice and demolishing miniatures.
That sentence was too long. Also too long? Zarkorr, which barely scrapes the 80-minute mark. The film comes courtesy of Monster Island Entertainment, a shingle conceived by Charles Band to pay homage to Toho classics of yesteryear. A nice idea, but the venture became insolvent after only a couple of years. We got one other monster mash out of the deal, the equally mediocre Kraa! The Sea Monster. Yes, I've seen it, and no, I'm not reviewing it. Boo and hiss all you want. It's funny; the main character is chosen by aliens to save the Earth because he is average. Middling. The mean. And that's exactly how I would describe Zarkorr! The Invader. It's not worth saying that I've seen worse, but of course, I've seen worse. Who hasn't? I'm in the market for a better measuring stick.
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