SUBSPECIES V: BLOODRISE (2023)
This one hurts. It's never fun writing a negative review, but I was really looking forward to this long-delayed sequel. Hell, I didn't know that it existed until a few days ago. Whatever happened to the spindly, all-reaching fingers of Full Moon's marketing department? Apparently, they are just as ineffectual as the spindly, all-reaching fingers of Radu. Remember Radu? He used to be cool. He's depicted here as a near-prehistoric fossil who only speaks above a whisper and engages in sluggish, poorly-staged swordfights. Bah. The first act shows promise. We are treated to Radu's origin story. His mother was a demon, while his father was a vampire. Raised by monks, he spends the majority of his adult life battling enemies of the church until he runs into an objectively hot Denice Duff. She acts as the catalyst that gives Radu his fangs.
First, I was bumfuzzled by Barbara Crampton in Suitable Flesh. Now this...these ladies are clearly witches. And that's fine by me. I just wish Duff's role was a bit more substantial. As for Anders Hove, there is nothing wrong with his performance, but he does seem bored here and there. I can't blame him. Bloodrise is paced with the zeal and alacrity of an oil painting. No, a software update. In quarantine. It's slow, folks. It's very, very slow. Do I have anything nice to say? Yes, actually. The film looks superb. Full Moon productions haven't been this silky and sumptuous since the Paramount days. I'm sure that won't stop Charles Band from cheapening it with a catalog's worth of merchandise. Oh, who am I kidding? I want Radu socks as much as the next guy.
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