Parts Unknown #45: Raw

Did I hear what I think I heard? Did The Rock just challenge John Cena for a match at Wrestlemania 28? Whose idea was this? I'll prattle on about this ill-conceived decision later (guess which section it's going to fall under). There are other matters to tend to...


~ All things considered, Triple H's promo was pertinent and heartfelt. I pretty much knew what he was going to say, but he said it well. The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the not-so-subtle disclosure of a desired rematch. To me, it would be a mistake to write a sequel to the prodigious story that these two men told at Wrestlemania. Now that I think about it, Sunday's brutal embroilment was a sequel in and of itself. The Undertaker should either retire or engage a new opponent.

~ The surprisingly long match between Randy Orton/Rey Mysterio and CM Punk/Cody Rhodes. It progressed over the span of two commercial breaks with frequent tags and kinetic offense (I love Rey's version of the Asai Moonsault). The wrong people won, but what can you do? Orton needs to be fucked in the ass by The Iron Shiek.

~ I thought that the Tough Enough segment succeeded in advertising the season premiere in an entertaining way. Unfortunately, I fell asleep as soon as Raw went off the air. From what I gather, it was a cool show, so I'll have to make it a point to catch it next week.

~ The Evan Bourne/Alberto Del Rio match. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Juan Bradshaw Layfield was legitimately pissed off at Air Bud for kicking his teeth in. Note to TNA bigwigs...blading is ineffectual in comparison to the genuine article. I don't care how many times you slice into Ric Flair's forehead; it will never be as impactful as a boot to the gums.

~ Sin Cara's debut! We didn't get the 15-minute US title defense that we wanted, but motherfucking Mistico made the save with a sick dive off of the top rope. I can't wait to see this guy in action.


~ A Cole/Lawler rematch? Are you serious? For the love of Satan, kill this feud. Enough is enough! And put a shirt on that pudgy piece of shit. He almost ruined my bedtime snack. Yes, I have bedtime snacks. You know why? Because I'm a badass!

~ I was going to write a novel explaining why the ending was cruel and unusual, but honestly, I have better things to do. Look, if you want to hype this match up, that's perfectly fine. It makes sense. But a year? Summerslam would have been the best choice. Hell, you could even justify stretching it out to Survivor Series. But a year? What if someone gets injured? I'm assuming that The Rock will disappear for at least six months. If so, what was the point of scheduling the main event of Wrestlemania 28 a year in advance?

I'm hungry.

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