Damage Control Inc.

"Yeah, when I heard Lou mumble into the microphone, I knew we had something special."

I entertained the thought of reviewing Lulu, but no. Just no. I can't listen to it more than once. For those blissfully unaware, Lulu is a collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed. The music is interesting. It's methodical in the way that it builds tension with grinding riffs and desperate melodies. But any atmosphere that seeps through your speakers is illicitly defiled by Reed's droning spoken word bullshit. My God. He stammers over every note, every refrain, every respite...he pisses on what could have been a listenable foray into experimental art rock.

And the lyrics! Mother of fuck. I'm sure that pretentious coxcombs the world over find the "prose" on Lulu to be deep and esoteric, but it comes across as affected swill. Chew on this passage from "Little Dog."

A puny body and a tiny dick
A little dog can make you sick

If you got the money, you can go to the top
The female dog don't care what you got
As long as you can raise that
Little doggie face to a cold-hearted pussy
You could have a taste

All I can do is sigh. The only track that almost works is "Pumping Blood." Wait, this doesn't count as a review, does it? I said that I wouldn't review Lulu, and I meant it! I'll post a real music review this weekend (perhaps Sunday). I'm off to spin Ride the Lightning.