Parts Unknown #84: Raw

I'll be perfectly honest with you. I didn't bother sitting through the last 30 minutes of Raw, but I do know what happened. I'm really starting to lose my patience here. This column has become perfunctory. I don't see myself dropping Raw from my review schedule (it's still better than Impact Wrestling), but Jeepers Christ. Get your shit together, Vince/HHH/Stephanie.


~ I enjoyed the opening segment, but only because it was unintentionally hysterical. The histrionics (foaming at the mouth???), the ambulance, the overacting extras...I felt like I was watching a silent melodrama from the 20's.

~ The tag match between Sheamus/Rattleviper and Mr. Cage/The Guy Banging Layla was excellent. On the downside, this is a match that we've seen before. When Raw opens with a match that would normally headline Smackdown, you know you're in trouble. Careless booking.

~ CM Punk laying into Johnny Ace. I loved the fact that he was basically shooting. Everything he said was true.

~ Wade Barrett scoring a clean pinfall. I have to hand it to JoMo. He may be in the doghouse, but he is responding to his licks with professionalism. If he sticks around and wins a match, it will actually mean something.


~ Did Dolph Ziggler achieve anything by beating Santino? At least let him go over on a credible opponent. Mason Ryan's run-in reeked of "you're supposed to cheer for me." If Zack Ryder doesn't win the United States Championship at Survivor Series (in his hometown), I'm going to punch my godmother's cunt. Don't worry; I don't even know who my godmother is, so I couldn't possibly offend her.

~ The Diva's division, ladies and gentleman...the heels get no reaction and the babyfaces get no reaction. Alicia Fox looked cute. I'm in her corner?

~ The Cole challenge. I do not give a single fuck.

~ And John Cena's partner is...not here.

I can't fucking believe that the major feud in the WWE involves Triple H and Kevin Nash. It's no different than building a PPV around a "fight" between Sting and Hulk Hogan.

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