Killjoy 3

Eight years had passed since Killjoy 2, so why did Charles Band deem it necessary to press on with a third pie to the face? I know that fans have been clamoring for Subspecies 5, but Killjoy 3? Was there a demand for this polychromatic revelry? It doesn't matter because I just watched it, which means that it exists. Let me tell you, I am ready to take a sabbatical from gaudy, raffish b-movies. Don't mistake my ennui for an admission of defeat. No, no, no...these movies did not break me. You hear that, world? It's going to take more than store-bought make-up effects and nonsensical plot devices to rattle my will. I stand (or sit, rather) defiant!

As I predicted, Killjoy 3 wasn't quite as meager as the first two entries. I still can't recommend it. It may not have offended my horror sensibilities, but I can't see anyone outside of Full Moon Headquarters giving it the time of day. NOTE TO SELF: Find out if there is such a thing as Full Moon Headquarters. College students are housesitting for one of their professors (what kind of professor would...fuck it, nevermind) when a strange package arrives at their doorstep. It's a mirror. The mirror acts as a portal to Killjoy's stomping grounds. Evil stuff happens. None of it really adds up. Boom! Synopsis.

They tried to create a stable of memorable villains for this one. I'm sure that the idea was to kindle interest in a line of merchandise based on the characters of Punchy, Freakshow and Batty Boop. Lackey roll call! Punchy is a hobo boxer; Freakshow is a mime with a conjoined twin; and Batty Boop is a clown succubus lathered in fluorescent body paint. None of Killjoy's supporting demons will develop the cult fanbase of a Pennywise or a Captain Spaulding, though Batty deserves extra credit for being naked in every shot (what, no balloon dildo?). Trent Haaga reprises his role from Killjoy 2 as the film's namesake. His performance is adequate. Nothing more, nothing less.

Stunningly, the cannon fodder is halfway likeable. Olivia Dawn York is adorable as the loose party girl. Jessica Whitaker plays the virginal heroine with restraint. Yeah, restraint. I couldn't believe it either. The dialogue is dumb, but I wasn't expecting a Richard Matheson script. Unlike its forerunners, Killjoy 3 has a gratifying, if not confounding payoff. The nonsensical plot devices that I mentioned earlier put a damper on the resolution, and a couple of subplots are consigned to oblivion (Zilla's crush on Erica is never brought up again after the first twenty minutes), but I didn't want to blow my brains out immediately following the end credits. That's a good sign, right?

For what it's worth, Killjoy 3 is the most fulfilling flick of the trilogy. Charles, don't even think about setting Killjoy 4 into motion. I've got your number, pal!