THE CHOOPER (1971)
So The Chooper (a.k.a. Blood Shack) was requested by a friend of mine named Paul. Paul, I hope you're reading. We are no longer friends. Is it legally possible to slap a restraining order on someone's VHS collection? I'm not sure where to start with this one. I coined a new term while being Chooped - "aggressive boredom." This film almost doesn't exist. For starters, the director's cut runs for 55 minutes, as Ray Dennis Steckler was coaxed by distributors to append 15 minutes of celluloid. They really should have been more specific because he simply tossed in random rodeo footage. For the record, I watched the shorter version, but dear God, it was a slog. The "plot" involves an urban legend of sorts called The Chooper, a malevolent spirit that haunts a ranch for some reason. At one point, we see children playing musical chairs with one chair. Yeah. I think that sums it up.
The hooded killer uses what looks like a machete. Could this be the first slasher of all time? There are other "body count" fixtures along the way, including a pointless shower scene. I mean, The Chooper even predates Mario Bava's A Bay of Blood. I don't want to wax lyrical about not-so-creative endeavors that don't deserve such praise, but facts are facts. The only thing missing is a monologue delivered by He Who Choops. Tragically, we get a Scooby-Doo ending that fails to capitalize on the folklore that these doltish characters have been building up for an hour. A whole hour! I could have watched two episodes of The Twilight Zone. Instead, I'm simply in The Twilight Zone. Or better yet, Unsolved Mysteries. Robert Stack would have had a field day with The Chooper.
Ray Dennis Steckler also helmed 1964's The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. It's just as aimless, but at least it was ribbed by Mystery Science Theater 3000. I'm pretty sure I was ribbed on this deal.
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