LETHAL TARGET (1999)
If I don't sound like my usual beguiling self, it's because I'm not feeling so great. Without going into details, I have stomach issues, and I'm pinning the blame on Lethal Target. I have a track record of associating physical maladies with whatever b-sludge I happened to watch that day. I know what you're thinking. "Dom, you're the common denominator. Maybe you're the problem." If that's your attitude, it's safe to assume you haven't seen this execrable endurance test. This movie is cause and effect in action. I'm convinced that it can trigger symptoms related to all manner of ailments. Rickets, distemper, cerebral autosomal dominant arteriopathy with subcortical infarcts...I could go on, but I think you get my point. On the surface, this is a banal Alien ripoff. It reminded me of Xtro 2: The Second Encounter, if that tells you anything.
A detained marshal will receive a conditional release if she accepts a peculiar mission. A research-intensive spacecraft experimenting with interdimensional teleportation has returned with nary a soul on board. Yeah, it's one of those Event Horizon scenarios. The ship has been infested with deadly cargo, namely a lifeform I will refer to as a not-xenomorph. Despite the general-purpose title, Lethal Target is devoid of gunplay or "buddy cop" pratfalls. But there is a catch. The sci-fi is mixed with softcore porn. It could easily be repackaged as Witchcraft XIV: In Space. Surprisingly, the creature effects are halfway decent, which is the only reason I'm bothering with a Z'Dar rating above a goose egg. This flick is painful. It's a small miracle that I'll never have to sit through Lethal Targets (or Lethal Target: Romulus, if you prefer).
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