Horrors of Malformed Men

I'm not sure what I just watched. I should probably wait a few days before reviewing 1969's Horrors of Malformed Men, but time is a luxury I do not have. I'm a busy man! Waiting for the film to sink in may not help anyway. This is a grody, antithetic cult classic that whirs past your brain and injects hallucinogens directly into your bloodstream. What's it about, you ask? Well, are you familiar with The Island of Dr. Moreau (any version will do)? Take that and cross it with Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People. Add a tablespoon of GHB, have anal sex with Jet Jaguar, and smack your grandmother. BLAMMO! You've got Malformed Men.

If that doesn't help, here is a more straightforward plot summary. A man escapes from a mental hospital and assumes the identity of a dead scientist. In his quest to prove his sanity, he winds up on a deserted island where a creepy dude (dressed as Sadako from Ringu) has managed to create a race of animal people. That half-assed synopsis represents a fraction of the script, which is too convoluted for its own good. The last twenty minutes of Malformed Men contain a bazillion revelations (I hesitate to call them "plot twists" because there isn't much of a plot to twist). I realize that it sounds like I despised this flick, but I didn't.

I'm a weird person. I dig weird movies. In spite of the fact that this weird movie is sloppy and incoherent, I enjoyed it. The cinematography is vibrant, the images are striking, and the main character is likable. Horrors of Malformed Men will appeal to the kind of cinephile who owns the Something Weird Sampler. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. High five!

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