Netherbeast Incorporated

This 2007 comedy concerns a telecommunications firm that is staffed and operated by netherbeasts. What are netherbeasts? They're like vampires, only they don't have fangs and they need more than blood to survive (they feed on human flesh). Basically, Netherbeast Incorporated is yet another vampire flick that has the audacity to say, "Forget everything you know about vampires!" At this point, wouldn't it be more original to champion all of the tropes that are associated with the undead? I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, imagine The Office compounded with Dracula: Dead and Loving It.

The cast boasts names such as Darrell Hammond, Dave Foley and Jason Mewes. Being that Foley and Hammond got their start on skit shows (I'm a huge fan of Kids in the Hall, by the way), I expected Netherbeast to be an extended skit. For the first hour, that's precisely what it is. There are one or two lines that made me laugh, but by and large, I was bored out of my skull until the third act kicked in. Normally, I dig dry humor, but in order for it to work, you need to be invested in the characters or at least care about what they're doing. Simply put, none of the netherbeasts are interesting.

It doesn't help that the script devotes way too many pages to exposition, and it doesn't help that the exposition is relayed to the viewer through crude animation (apparently, the budget didn't allow for detailed cartoon sets...now that's a low budget!). We have to learn so much about the damn netherbeasts, that it takes an inordinate amount of time to sort through all of the recrement just to get to the storyline. When the film picked up steam, I was ready for it to end. If I can say anything in Netherbeast's favor, it's that the third act is well-written and somewhat suspenseful. This lightweight b-movie isn't a total loss.

While Dave Foley is wasted in a wafer-thin role, Darrell Hammond is kind of awesome as a boss with "retardations." He's not awesome enough for me to give Netherbeast Incorporated my seal of approval, though. Man, if I ever do another theme week, I'm going to have to put a great deal of thought into it. This little experiment was a colossal failure. A hearty "fuck you" to the makers of Queen of Blood, Rockula and Netherbeast Incorpoated. Especially Rockula.

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