I Come in Peace

Good cop. Bad alien. Big trouble. Simple tagline. Simple movie. Dolph Lundgren. Action. Car chases. Space guns. Forced love subplot. Oh, hello there. I was just experimenting with a writing exercise. How does this strike you? "Stream of consciousness" movie reviews...brilliant, right? I think I'm onto something. It combines the shrewd annotations of Random Reviews with the callow brevity of Twitter. Imagine how much easier my job would be. In all seriousness, my "stream of consciousness" review describes I Come in Peace with more accuracy than a golf club with a short shaft and a loft of 24 degrees. Heh, a golf analogy. I'm on a roll!

This flick is as simple as simple gets. I remember catching it on television as a child. I know that I enjoyed it, and if it wasn't so damn rare, I would have revisited it sooner. Known as Dark Angel overseas, I Come in Peace follows Cain, a cop assigned to a drug sting. Of course, everything goes wrong. His partner is slain in the line of duty, a briefcase full of heroin disappears from the crime scene and bodies begin to pile up with holes in their foreheads. What I'm trying to tell you is that this film is about a smack pusher from outer space. Hey, if Ah-Nuld can do a sci-fi project, why can't Dolph? He may not bring charisma or screen presence to the table, but look at those pythons, brother!

I'll go easy on Dolph. Actually, he has the "badass hero" thing down pat. He could have shot this flick in his sleep. Brian Benben is annoying as the glib, obsequious comedy relief. The script pretends to give him a character arc, but I wasn't buying it. I Come in Peace manages to click on all cylinders in spite of dodgy dialogue. The pace is hyper, the action sequences are fun (love the tight editing) and the villain is too cool for public school. There isn't much in the way of gore, but I'll take the carnage that we do see. Those flying CD's were glorious.

As I alluded to earlier, we have no choice but to sit through a languid subplot involving Cain's on-again/off-again girlfriend. I wouldn't mind it if the "lovebirds" shared any chemistry whatsoever. Harmless padding, I suppose. I have no idea why I Come in Peace has yet to receive DVD treatment in North America. It's a Dolph Lundgren movie, for Christ's sake. It should be available at every retail outlet on the planet. Paired with Universal Soldier. On clearance. Robert Z'Dar says, "Wait, I wasn't in this? Are you sure I wasn't in this?"