Vanity Scare #8

RUE MORGUE (#123, June 2012)

- Let's start with the cover and its corresponding story, shall we? To be frank, I knew nothing about The Loved Ones before reading this magazine. It sounds like a slick mash-up of Carrie and Pretty in Pink. I'm willing to give it a whirl, but it's not available in the states yet. As for the cover, it is with gallant mettle that I declare my fondness for all things hot pink. Does that make me less of a man? So be it! I dig dramatic polychromasia, especially under the lambent gleam of a black light. Hey, if it's good enough for Bret Hart, it's good enough for me.

- Recent WWE Hall of Fame inductee Mil Mascaras is paying homage to time-honored "Lucha Libre" monster movies by starring in a few of his own. The masked uncle of current wrassler Alberto Del Rio (sorry about the concussion, pal...I must have slipped on the rope) squared off against desiccated dirt deposits in 2007's Mil Mascaras vs. the Aztec Mummy. Fucking rad.

- April Snellings is obviously stalking me. How else would she know that I just reviewed a relic tied to the Mars Attacks! universe? Her article on the history of the trading card cult phenomenon is highly interesting. I suddenly have the urge to kickstart a modest Mars Attacks! collection. And there is plenty to collect. Comic books (no shit, Sherlock), figures, plush toys, posters, apparel of all stripes, the cards themselves...you name it, it exists. It's a shame that certain automatons assume that this line of kitschy merchandise was derived from the limited confines of Tim Burton's imagination.

- The interview with isochronal Twilight Zone scribe George Clayton Johnson is a keeper. He wrote "Kick the Can," an episode that was later retooled by Steven Spielberg (see Twilight Zone: The Movie). I was delighted to find that he hated the 1983 update. A penny for his thoughts on John Landis, the notorious contract killer?

- Bowen's Basement looks at Zaat (a.k.a. Blood Waters of Dr. Z). I shouldn't buy the DVD when it comes out, but I know I will. What's wrong with me?

- Author Lyle Blackburn has published a book about the Fouke Monster from The Legend of Boggy Creek. Apparently, it probes deeper into the myth...wait, what myth? I'm sorry, but the film bored the pretzels out of me, and I don't see the need for a catechistic, quasi-inquisitive tome.

- Ouch. Mike Beardsall's review of the new Lords of the Highway record isn't going to sit well with Bob. RM hasn't been terribly forgiving as it relates to Ohio's punk/rockabilly scene. By the way, google Horror of '59 (a gnarly band that Bob used to front).

- Look, a Marduk blurb! I would never claim to be an authority on black metal, but I'm not above screaming the praises of Sweden's premier blasphemers.

That's all I have to say. This issue was particularly engrossing, so I recommend forking over the eight bucks. Oh, and real men wear (hot) pink.