Wow. I was going to do the Smackdown review tonight, but I decided to stay up and watch the Royal Rumble (illegally, of course). So I'll talk about that instead. I can't believe how unsatisfying it was. I'm still in shock, to be honest. I could talk about the two or three things that I liked, but how boring would that be? Seriously, who fucking cares? I will say that John Morrison's acrobatics were unreal. Highlight of the night. Easily. Let's get into the cons...no, wait. These are worse than mere cons. They should be called something else.
THINGS THAT TNA WOULD DO
~ Let me get this straight. Eve Torres, a diva that was not advertised, a diva that no one cares about, a diva that isn't even close to contending for a title, wins the Diva's Championship? Y'know, when the referee counted to three, the commentators' reactions led me to believe that Eve wasn't supposed to win. I'm not trying to be funny. It seemed like the other divas were genuinely surprised, and Michelle McCool isn't that good of an actress. If it's revealed that Eve's title win was a mistake, I'll give Vince a pass on this one.
~ Let me get this straight. The anonymous GM lays down the law at the beginning of the Rumble itself because hey, rules are rules. "CM Punk is the only legal man, so get everyone else out of the ring!" Okay, fine. But when The Miz - an illegal man - eliminates John Cena, it's permissible. When did the Rumble become a free-for-all? Halfway through? Inquiring minds want to know.
~ Let me get this straight. CM Punk, your top heel, doesn't even make it to the final ten, much less the final four? Morrison was eliminated way too early as well.
~ Let me get this straight. Booker T., who got the second biggest pop of the night, only lasts one minute? I know that they're putting over young talent, but one hot minute?
~ Let me get this straight. Diesel, who got the biggest pop of the night, doesn't execute his signature move? If he powerbombs a midcard heel (hell, it could even be a babyface), that crowd freaks the fuck out.
~ Let me get this straight. No Christian? No Awesome Kong? No Triple H? Hmm, I'm trying to think of a wrestler I would replace with one of those three people. Hmm...I've got it! How about the goddamn leprechaun???
~ Let me get this straight. The last two participants are Alberto Del Rio and Santino Marella? There are no words to describe how...I can't even...is this WCW?
~ Let me get this straight. Alberto Del Rio, a guy who has been in the company for roughly six months, is going to main event Wrestlemania? I like the guy, but it's too soon. It's as simple as that. Goodbye, buyrates!
Until next time, dear readers. Until next time.
Posted by Dom Coccaro at 11:22 PM