Parts Unknown #40: Raw

This episode of Raw was scattershot. It was all over the place. When it was bad, it was really bad. When it was good, it was really good. Let's peek into this circus tent...

PROS

~ It looks like I'm in the minority, but I got a kick out of The Rock's heart-to-heart conversation with Mini Cena. Lighten up, smarks. I understand why fans are getting sick of this "via satellite" poppycock, but remember, patience is a virtue. The Great One will be back on Raw before you know it.

~ Michael Cole? Unbearable. The Cole Mine? Brilliant.

~ The Sheamus/Daniel Bryan match for the United States Championship. Everyone knew that Sheamus would win, but it was still a bright spot on a show that desperately needed a bright spot.

~ The Miz's impersonation of The Rock. Maybe it was the bald cap, but Miz came out of this segment looking great. He actually looked like a champion. Kudos to John Cena for selling the damage with aplomb.

CONS

~ Why on Satan's black earth was The Great Khali scheduled to face The Miz? Of all people, they selected the one man in the locker room who is guaranteed to botch at least once? If I was a wrestler on the undercard, I would be insulted. The fact that Khali appears on Raw more than Zack Ryder and The Uso's is an affront to anyone who toils away on the indy scene in the hopes of making it to the major leagues.

~ The promo brigade involving Michael Cole, Jack Swagger, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Brian Christopher (???) went on for way too long. It wouldn't call it an utter failure (J.R. always delivers on the mic), but I considered turning the channel. The crowd's silence spoke volumes.

~ I'm going to call up a public access evangelist and ask him to pray for Randy Orton to lose at Wrestlemania. The writers refuse to give CM Punk the upper hand. He had to deal with the same bullshit when he was the leader of the Straight Edge Society. Oh, and can someone tell Orton to knock it off with the spastic seizures? It's almost as if he's simultaneously climaxing and stifling a sneeze.

~ The Trish Stratus/Vickie Guerrero match. No comment.

~ I thought we were past the "guest host" era. Snooki belongs in a wrestling ring about as much as Drew Carey belongs in the WWE Hall of Fame.

That's all I have. Daffney is no longer employed by Dixie Carter. Sign her, Vince!